What is a “Lobbyist”? If you pay attention to politics and how government “works,” you can come up with many definitions of the word “Lobbyist,” but none of them are good. Today, this is not about what Lobbyists ARE. It’s about how they come to be.

Imagine yourself to be some young, skull full of mush coming out of the UW system. You are a complete narcissist with a moral code that is way below average, even for UW. And, most importantly, you have a talent for bending the truth into circles and shoveling crap. Are you following me so far?

Even before you graduate you are trying to determine how you are going to make it in the world. And it’s not just getting by that interests you, it’s really making it BIG. You need to be both RICH and POWERFUL. But you don’t have the skill set to make things or create new technologies critical to the growth of humanity. So, what to do? “I know.” you say. “I’ll go into politics.”

Wait a minute. Being a civil servant doesn’t pay jack. (Pun intended.)  Even the Speaker of the Assembly only makes $55K or so per year. But you realize that it is not the salary, it’s the perks, the benefits, the side hustle, the graft, and the kickbacks that really interest you. Not to mention the really big bucks that await you once you leave the office. THAT’s where the REAL MONEY is.

So, you’re on your way. You snuggle up to some current big-shot office holder. You run for some no-name county office building a political name for yourself within your chosen party. You go to the next level and then on to the next one after that. And while traveling your career path you build up and/or buy a series of allies and serfs to do your bidding and cover your butt just in case it all falls apart. Included in your list of allies and serfers are members of the opposite party. You build their alliances by cutting deals with them; by making them flush with cash. You even go as far as to sell out your own party and their so-called principles. But who cares? These actions will pay off well in your next life.

Life is good. You have power. You are making $Millions. You can and do crush anyone who might expose you. But it’s not enough. It’s time to move on to the “Final Frontier.”  It’s time to leave office and become…….gasp……a Lobbyist.

You have set yourself up well. You have made/bought friends in both parties.  You have countless captains of industry, who have made $Millions upon $Millions with your political help and look to make $Millions more with your Lobbying help. Heck. One energy company alone could supply you with a multi-million-dollar income every year. And that doesn’t even count all of the others who will be knocking on your door. Life is now Better than Good.

Damn. Maybe I should have been a Lobbyist? Oh, wait. There was something about being “a complete narcissist with a moral code that is way below average; even for UW.”  Damn again.

Jack